Our first baby is a...........

GIRL!!!

Preston and I are going to have a baby girl for our first baby!! We are both very excited and now we have the daunting task of name picking.

Its been a while!!

OK, I know that it has been a long time since I have posted a blog but I have a good reason I promise. Preston and I are expecting our first baby!!! Yes, that's right I am finally pregnant, after all of the time I spent being sad we are finally going to have a baby. I am about 8 weeks along now!!

Which in turn correlates to the reason I haven't written much; I have been pretty sick the past couple of weeks. I keep joking with my friends that I this baby is a girl because it is so picky about what foods it will let me eat. First of all crackers are out of the question, for some weird reason baby doesn't like saltines (oh well). Pretzels aren't doing too well either, so I am currently on the hunt for something dry to munch on throughout the day. There were a couple of days where I couldn't eat/ drink anything (let me tell you how fun that day was). But I eventually started getting food down again. Apples are hit or miss, only when I can magically predict when it is ok I can have an apple (not everyday though). Surprisingly, the only food that I have been able to keep down constantly is Jimmy Johns Slim 6. I don't get it either but not to worry I am eating other foods as well. I started to take an over the counter anti-nausea which is helping me actually complete a day at work.

I am currently looking at general costs for baby stuff, and looking for inspiration for baby room decorations. Preston and I have generally finished the Living room to make it more suitable for a little Preston/ Dacia hybrid baby running around (and I know that will be entertaining)!

No too much else to talk about, I have morning sickness so Preston is basically taking care of everything, such a sweetheart!!

Still sad

This is a much more taxing journey than I ever expected; trying to have a baby. I went into this adventure thinking it would be easy, when Preston and I wanted a baby, we would be able to have one. After all, thousands of people whom don't even want/ think about having a baby get one. By the grace of fate/ karma whatever, I thought that I should be able to have a baby. Maybe that was my mistake.

So, after a year of trying on our own and my almost breaking into tears the moment I realized that I was not pregnant that month I went to see and OBGYN. After testing he was confident that I was not ovulating. Needless to say that I didn't even know that not ovulating was an option. I mean in all of the science classes I have taken; when talking about the hormones involved and what occurs during the cycle, not ovulation completely wasn't really mentioned.

Luckily, the first option for me is clomid. It is a handy little pill taken at the first couple of days of the cycle which stimulates ovulation. I was excited again, now I feel as though I am doing something, that my ultimate goal of actually having a baby can be accomplished. I took the pill as instructed; then came the time for the progesterone test. This was the test to see if the pill can actually work for me or not. My previous progesterone test results came back less than 1ng/uL. A normal level for ovulation for this hormone is 9ng/uL, the result after the first month of clomid was 17.2 ng/uL. Now, this means that I actually did ovulate!! And hey, go science. Look at the numbers the lowest dose and in only one month I went from less that one to 17!!

I was getting my hopes up again, something that I learned not to do after 12 months of crying, if you don't get your hopes up..you don't cry as much. I started feeling nauseous and getting really tired. All not fun, but good signs of pregnancy.........hopes got higher.

Fate of course wants me to suffer, it is clear now. Once I let my gaurd down and my hopes up I start my cycle. Only a couple of days away from when I was excited to finally be able to take a pregnancy test. So why do I still feel like a failure? We know that this prescription works for me, for what we want. I know in my head that the chances of getting pregnant in general is low. I guess it just feels like starting at square one. Nothing can really up my chances of actually getting pregnant, I am just ovulating now (which i know ups my chances greatly, but still feels like square one).

This is very hard emotionally, the pure excitement of thinking finally a real chance of becoming pregnant, and nothing changes, again....this month I am not pregnant. It is kinda disheartening.

Nothing else to do but keep trying.